By Trevor E Smith Posted: April 9, 2014
One of the socialization anchors that we hold on to is the idea that Time Heals.
One of the frequent bits of advice given by our friends and family is “give it some time.”
The reality is that time by itself is not really a very good healer. It is what we do with the time that makes the difference. If we sit in a rocking chair watching fleeting minutes go by in the absence of any other action, we are likely to rise after sometime to see that not much has changed.
This has direct relevance to our relationships. It is especially critical in the case of troubled or at risk relationships.
In those cases, one party gets a sense that things have gone off the boil. The usual level of attention is not there and the communication is devoid of warmth.
Their instinct tells them that something is wrong. But, alas, “give it some time” comes to the fore. Give it some time is the procrastinator’s crutch. It provides a sense that something is being done. A rational course of action is being followed while being mired in inaction.
One reason for opting to “give it some time” is the fear that your instinct might be wrong and you go and open up a can of worms. Worse, you might be right and who wants to come face to face with the reality that their relationship is going on the rocks?
Give it some time, what’s the rush. Let’s watch it a little more.
The fact is that once you are uncomfortable and have doubts it means that a seed of internal conflict has been sown in your mind. Left unresolved that seed is going to grow and become a potential stumbling block in the future. It is going to impact your thoughts and your behaviour. Trust issues will start to manifest themselves.
It is best to delicately raise your concerns with your partner. Choose the moment carefully and work to ensure that you do not come across as being alarmed.
Couching the dialogue in humor is also a good idea, if you can avoid being stiff and dry.
How about playing some oldies and including “You have lost that loving feeling”
Be sure that left alone small concerns have a tendency to grow into problems and to put the relationship at great risk.
The interesting thing is that relationships are actually strengthened when the concerns of the partners are brought out into the open and dealt with in a frank and honest manner.
Give your relationship a boost by clearing up hidden concerns. Believe it or not time will not solve problems by itself.
Be proactive and create the environment in which you can delicately air your concerns, sooner rather than too late!