By Trevor E Smith Posted: March 27, 2014
Why Can’t I Keep A Man? 3 Powerful Clues
You have had relationships but they all end in disappointment.
Some of these connections actually start out quite promisingly but alas, they fizzle and end up in a decision to separate.
Here are 3 powerful reasons which might be at the root of why your relationships do not last.
#3: You are fishing in the wrong pond
You are moving in a circle where there are either a limited number of available candidates or the quality of the pack leaves much to be desired.
In that scenario, you make the occasional connection but your chances of being able to hand-pick your ideal partner is diminished.
Several factors contribute to tainting your current pond. Values, education, religion, culture, age and physical features all act as disqualifiers. Sometimes you decide to override a disqualifier and give it a good shot but you eventually weary of trying and one of the two of you decide to call it a day.
So we now come to a point of difficulty.
The obvious solution is to find a suitable pond that fits your criteria.
However, the push back is likely to be “Why should I go out of my way to find a mate? My existence is not dependent on having a relationship with a man.”
Sure, being single is not all about finding a mate. Life has far more to offer.
Point taken……FULL STOP.
#2: You have standards that might be difficult to meet
You would not want to wish an unhappy relationship on even your least favoured associate.
Consequently, you have a tendency to be very cautious about what you need from a relationship. You create images of an ideal partner and these become ingrained in your psyche. The image emerges as you relate to real life prospects. All too often, the flesh and blood does not match up to the image.
The image is not just physical. It covers speech and mannerisms. A mother recently shared that she would be challenged to have a daughter-in-law who did not master English. The impact on grand-children would be too much to bear.
Well those and similar sentiments are passed on to children in the socialization process and help to form this dream image.
So, to answer the question posed, the ideal image that constantly pops into your consciousness is a key reason for disappointing endings to your relationships. The characteristics that you desire are difficult to find in one person.
Do yourself a favour. Ask a close friend who is in a long term relationship to share with you a list of things that they do not like about their partner. You might be surprised at how quickly the list is presented.
Long term relationships are about give and take. There is no perfect person and that includes you. Decide what features of your ideal image are non-negotiable and be a little more flexible on the others.
#1: You are not sufficiently alert to behavioural style mismatches
This is an easily learned skill and options are there to get the required information but somehow people ignore that critical factor.
Think of yourself at work. Are there some people that just rub you the wrong way? Are there others that you feel comfortable with?
The amazing thing is that so many of us leave those fundamental skills behind when we enter into relationships. There are spouses who ignored this important insight and now find themselves trapped in unhappy relationships.
There is a framework that provides great help in identifying behavioural style mismatches.
As a first step, you should work to establish where you fall in this diagram.
This next diagram shares what each style brings to the table:
You can play around with the framework and get a better feel for what others can expect of you and the kind of individual that you would prefer to connect with.
But why take a chance on losing out on happiness?
Invest less than the cost of a night out and complete an in-depth analysis of what you (and partner) need from the relationship. Of course, you should go ahead and complete your analysis regardless.