By Trevor E Smith Posted: March 29, 2014
I just could not let “Why I Can’t Keep A Man” pass without sharing another reality.
So, here is my 3-point alternative perspective on the relationship issue that was starkly put on the table by that “Keeping a man” article. I hope that others will let their voices be heard.
#3: I am self-actualized
The truth is that I am comfortable with myself. I am nowhere near narcissism but I do not have self-esteem issues.
I have a track record of success over time. I have been blessed with a supportive family who helps me to feel good about myself. I am encouraged to pursue my aspirations.
Like everyone else I hit bumps in the road and have downtime. However, I am gifted with a faith and mindset that sets me back on track quickly. This keeps me clear of developing a dependency on a partner.
#2: I am connected socially and spiritually
It is refreshing to note the variety of avenues for fulfillment that life offers.
Some seek fulfillment in their careers, others in their children. Some green thumbs are at peace in their gardens. Interestingly, there is no desperate need to fill any gaps coming from these individuals.
I am actually up to my ears in exciting social and spiritual engagements. My challenge is more where to find the time to deal with all that is on my plate.
Above all is my close relationship with God. I never feel alone.
#1: I am clear about what I want from a relationship
I am saddened by the number of women who are trapped in unhappy and even abusive relationships.
I am particularly mindful of sitting in an apartment consoling a friend who refused to leave a physically abusive relationship. I can still sense the terror that gripped the room as the key turned in the lock announcing the arrival of her partner.
I reflect on two charming and dynamic executives who shared that they gave their marriages their best shot. Yet, after each “way forward” heart-to-heart agreements their husbands display the same lack of ambition and purpose that has been the source of the problem. They signed up for bearing children not being wed to one.
The bottom line here is that I have clarity about who I am, what I would bring to a relationship and what I would need from a partner.
If I find it, fine. If not, I am not willing to pay the price of frustration and abuse just to be in a relationship.
We hail Eve’s confidence with respect to the degree of clarity she has about what she needs from a relationship.
What about you?
Fortunately, there is a framework that provides great objectivity and a sound basis for clarifying your needs and what you are likely to offer in a relationship.
In which directions are you most comfortable?
Are you more Cautious or Open? Direct or Indirect?
This next diagram shares what each DISC coloured-coded style will bring to the relationship.
You do not have to take a chance on losing out on happiness.
You can invest less than the cost of a nice meal and complete an in-depth analysis of what you need from a relationship. Of course, you can also invite worthy prospect to complete one and get a combined report as a bonus.